Context, Capacity, and Compassion: A Mother’s Reflection on Practice
By Laurel Rankin
As we’ve noted, communities of practice involve the sharing of stories, as they are practitioner spaces, which recognize the value of many ways of knowing about our work, exploring diverse perspectives, as told through our real life experiences. This post is part of an ongoing blog series in which lab members share personal connections to contextual behavior science and how it shows up in their work. This week, Laurel Rankin speaks to her experience becoming a mother and how this time of her life strengthened her relationship with ACT, her values, her well-being and her practice.
For the longest time, I resisted motherhood. I told myself that being a mother would not change my practice at all. But now that I am a mother, I can acknowledge that it has completely changed my practice. Although, let me explain — it isn’t as simple as A caused B.
In 2019, I became pregnant, and in 2020, I had my daughter. As we all know, 2020 was a particularly challenging year as we pivoted our lives due to the pandemic. This had a significant impact on me when my daughter was born. My husband’s away-work schedule changed — he went from one week on and one week off to two weeks at a time. I wasn’t able to have the support or social networks I could have benefited from, and there wasn’t the availability of resources and programming to connect with other moms. It was an isolating time.
On top of this, my daughter was not a reliable sleeper, and this caused me a lot of worry and stress. I am a behaviour analyst. I have supported families with sleep training. I should have been able to help her develop more independence with sleep. But two things impacted my ability to do that.
The first was my capacity — I simply did not have it. It was easier to let her nap on me so I could get some exercise in, or to co-sleep so I could rest as well. The second influence was my values. I no longer valued societal pressures about what “good” infant sleep should look like. Instead, I valued our connection and well-being. I can speak to this with more confidence in reflection — at the time, I felt lost and burnt out.
Just four months into maternity leave, I was able to attend an online presentation by someone I greatly admire, Evelyn Gould. She spoke about self-compassion, mindfulness, and resilience at a time when I needed to hear it most. Her presentation was a key turning point for me. It helped me shift away from what I thought was important as a parent and look more deeply at what I truly valued, allowing me to move forward in more values-aligned ways.
So when I speak about motherhood influencing my practice, I am really speaking to the fact that this was a time that allowed me to dive deeper into my understanding of ACT and my values. This season of my life helped me become more curious about context and capacity when supporting others. It also showed me how difficult self-compassion can be for parents — and how much we all need reminders to give ourselves more grace while navigating this complex world.
Fast forward five years, and while these principles continue to be the essence of my practice, I sometimes lose sight of them for myself and need a reminder. Fortunately, I joined the Constellations Community of Practice. Not only do I get to meet weekly with some of the most brilliant minds in the fields of behaviour analysis, ACT, and RFT, but I also feel validated that the work I am doing is meaningful. This weekly commitment is not just to the group — it is a commitment to my values and well-being.
